One of the benefits of being a parent is that it begins a lifelong, living experiment into the development of your children. Beginning with pregnancy and continually evolving through adulthood, we get a first-hand view of the miracle of life. I find that one of the most interesting parts of my daughters' development is their personalities. In addition to watching them change each day, I love to read books and articles regarding the latest research into what makes children - and ourselves - tick. A few months ago I finished my new favorite book on the subject of personality: No Two Are Alike: Human Nature and Human Individuality.
The author of No Two Are Alike, Judith Rich Harris, is a "self-taught academic" who essentially learned the art of research and publication through self-study, and has pursued a more multi-disciplinary approach than the typical professor or researcher. With no tenure to secure or specialized belief system to adhere to, I find that Harris brings a much more open and honest appraisal of research than most of her university peers.
In No Two Are Alike, Harris continues a tradition of upsetting academics' core beliefs. At the same time, she raises doubts among many parents with a stunning theory: Parents have very little influence over how their children develop. I cannot do Harris's work justice by attempting to replicate her theory here in just a few words. But, in short, she spends the first half of the book debunking every piece of research that shows parents can improve children's personality or IQ. One of many examples is that, when you properly adjust for all other elements, more books in the home does not cause faster reading. It is not fun to hear that parental involvement has no (or nearly no) impact on child development, but her findings are sound.
More interesting for this blog topic is her work on the second half of the book, in which Harris outlines what really does build children's personalities. By using studies of identical twins - some raised together and others apart - she finds that genetics drives about 45% of personality definition. The other 55% is determined by environment, and changes over time. Evolution favored adjustment for environmental impact on personality because it allows for variance based on conditions in the "real world". And evolution always drives variation among individuals - because variation itself is advantageous.
Starting in social situations with other children, all humans begin experimenting with various "personality strategies". Those that help us succeed become more deeply ingrained. Harris outlines three competing "systems" which all drive personality development in different ways:
- Relationship System: Goal is to establish and maintain favorable relationships, to acquire knowledge about other people, and to share that knowledge with others.
- Socialization System: Goal is to be a member of a group, to be accepted by its members, to defend and conform to the group's norms.
- Status System: Goal is to be better than one's rivals, to compete and earn higher status, and to acquire self-knowledge by comparing oneself with others.
So in personality development, competition leads to improvement. These three internal "programming" systems compete to have the best impact on an external competition with others in our social system for status and success. The result is the best possible lifelong personality for each individual.
You may counter that "yes, but bad people and personalities develop." My answer would be that this is more of a reflection of the society we put children into, rather than a natural result of social competition. If we continue allow poor children to go to poor schools in poor communities, then we should expect more of the same. On the other hand, in much of the United States - if not the world - our society has grown more tolerant and trusting over the generations. Children born into this more "positive" world than what we grew up in will in turn produce a better society and beget children who take it further.
Near the end of her book, Harris does offer some consolation for parents who wish to positively impact their children:
"Parents do have some power to produce long-term effects on their children's behavior, but their power is indirect: it comes by way of the socialization system. It resides in their ability to determine where and by whom their children will be socialized. The parents decide which society to live in, which culture their children will grow up in, where they will go to school."
For me, this gives me greater satisfaction with my wife and my choice of a school environment for our children, in spite of the extra cost of private school. At the same time, I find it more tragic that politics continues to limit our ability to fix schools in bad neighborhoods. Each day we fail to solve this issue, more children adapt their personalities to a society dominated by guns, drugs and violence. I'm a firm believer in school vouchers as a way to improve choice and introduce challenge dividends. A recent NYTimes article confirms that voucher program parents in Washington, DC are very pleased.